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| Aiyudajh: Discussion | |
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| Topic Started: Nov 6 2008, 01:54 AM (255 Views) | |
| Trainer X | Nov 6 2008, 01:54 AM Post #1 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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Just so I can keep discussion separate from the actual thread, discuss my new story here. http://orangeislands.net/topic/8506743/1/ |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Novoni | Nov 7 2008, 12:30 AM Post #2 |
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Clarity
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The names made it a little difficult to follow at first, haha, but it sounds really good and interesting. Now that Zakulah, that would be an issue even bigger than global warming, I would guess... Can't wait to read more! |
![]() thanks for the sig, oykawoo! [20] [46] [48] [41] @Exp.Sh[32] [20] profile! adventure! | |
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| Trainer X | Nov 7 2008, 12:33 AM Post #3 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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I think I got a bit carried away with the names. Foreign languages are always a bit tough to follow, and since I can't go around writing in pseudo-Japanese script, I figured that could be a close second. If you pay close attention, there are consistencies in the names that at least let you know what the people's intentions are. Anyway, glad you like it (or glad that you're just saying that you like it to make me feel good)! |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Neji | Nov 7 2008, 03:07 PM Post #4 |
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Hate is such a strong word!
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We'll I like it, it reminds of the bible though, also don't be like Shawn and write every other month
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![]() Thanks Shawn http://orangeislands.net/topic/325857/1/?x=0#post44190 ![]() <a href="http://www.dragonflycave.com/newpay.aspx"><img src="http://www.dragonflycave.com/wpay/togetic.gif" alt="I am a Togetic!" title="Find out what Pokémon you are at The Cave of Dragonflies"></a> Current team 27 35 35 21 31 22
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| Scizordoom | Nov 7 2008, 07:34 PM Post #5 |
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He watches, watches from the shadows...
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That was incredibly interesting Please continue to write it! When you can of course
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![]() ^Adventure^ vProfilev ![]() | Plattail Lv.34 | Talonite LV.32 @ Expert Belt | Thunderos Lv.33 @ || Shreek Lv.22 | Canarosa Lv.31 | Crimsant Lv.17 | Skylo: Now Hiring The Sun and Moon watch your steps carefully ~Coming early 2009 | |
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| Error | Nov 7 2008, 07:51 PM Post #6 |
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Neji is right. It is a alot like the bible (and star wars). I'm going to assume that was on purpose though (the bible not star wars). The writing is good, and I do like the fact that you did give away the character's intention with their names. That really helped. Although in my opinion foreign names are hard and all, but its a lot easier if you reduce the amount of syllables. Right now the story seems very black and white. Which to be honest is boring. Although with the extremes between creation and destruction, their isn't much else you should expect from the start of the story. I can not wait until you begin to delve in to the grey area. The mediation between destruction and construction. Would that be powerful or weak? Oh how I love extremes. They are always a good foundation to a story. Right now I'm thinking about Medea one of Euclid's Greek tragedies. Have you ever read it? It deals with extremes. I suggest you read it if you encounter any writers block. |
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| Trainer X | Nov 8 2008, 12:18 AM Post #7 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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That was supposed to be sort of a prologue. I think books like Eragon and Artemis Fowl use that kind or prologue. It's sort of a legend that the people tell, and because of that, I intentionally left out things like character descriptions and settings. Don't worry, it'll get much more interesting from here on out. Ad it's not just a heave and hell story like it seems. |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Error | Nov 9 2008, 08:43 PM Post #8 |
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Wait if no one dies why is their a new Alyudajh? |
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| Trainer X | Nov 9 2008, 09:36 PM Post #9 |
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I never said that nobody died. At that point, the world was young enough that nobody had died yet. Geez, I never said the dude got killed. |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Scizordoom | Nov 10 2008, 12:09 AM Post #10 |
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He watches, watches from the shadows...
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Wow, i really liked that. Nice work TX! I'd hate to be Vin, it'd suck... Do you write these in Microsoft Word first? Edited by Scizordoom, Nov 10 2008, 12:28 AM.
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![]() ^Adventure^ vProfilev ![]() | Plattail Lv.34 | Talonite LV.32 @ Expert Belt | Thunderos Lv.33 @ || Shreek Lv.22 | Canarosa Lv.31 | Crimsant Lv.17 | Skylo: Now Hiring The Sun and Moon watch your steps carefully ~Coming early 2009 | |
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| Trainer X | Nov 10 2008, 12:45 AM Post #11 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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Thanks. And yes. Well, the Mac equivalent of Microsoft Word. Why? Oh, and since Scizor's post doesn't obviously hint at it, Chapter 2 is up. |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Scizordoom | Nov 10 2008, 12:49 AM Post #12 |
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He watches, watches from the shadows...
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I was just curious. Dunno, felt like putting more in my post Any tips on writing though? Like thinking up a plot and what not? Or do you just start and let it flow? |
![]() ^Adventure^ vProfilev ![]() | Plattail Lv.34 | Talonite LV.32 @ Expert Belt | Thunderos Lv.33 @ || Shreek Lv.22 | Canarosa Lv.31 | Crimsant Lv.17 | Skylo: Now Hiring The Sun and Moon watch your steps carefully ~Coming early 2009 | |
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| Trainer X | Nov 10 2008, 01:03 AM Post #13 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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I try to to think of what I want to happen before I start writing, but usually it comes as I write. |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Scizordoom | Nov 10 2008, 01:29 AM Post #14 |
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He watches, watches from the shadows...
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Very well then. You see i'm trying to write myself, but i always get stumped by the plot XD |
![]() ^Adventure^ vProfilev ![]() | Plattail Lv.34 | Talonite LV.32 @ Expert Belt | Thunderos Lv.33 @ || Shreek Lv.22 | Canarosa Lv.31 | Crimsant Lv.17 | Skylo: Now Hiring The Sun and Moon watch your steps carefully ~Coming early 2009 | |
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| Novoni | Nov 10 2008, 10:59 PM Post #15 |
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I love it so far! It's very well written, and the chapters are a good length, occasionally bordering on being a bit short, but they're being posted frequently, so it's all good! I'm interested to see what will happen to Vin as he gets his new powers.... will he be able to control his mind or whether that will be the Ukujad's (did I spell that right??) way out... Ooooh |
![]() thanks for the sig, oykawoo! [20] [46] [48] [41] @Exp.Sh[32] [20] profile! adventure! | |
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| shadow_rukario | Nov 10 2008, 11:08 PM Post #16 |
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Το Ανώτατο σκιά
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Very nicely written. I'm wondering what will happen with the Ukujad, they're probably going to have something to do with the main conflict of the story, but then again it's hard to tell. |
![]() Blade of Awakening Discussion: Blade of Awakening Normal Team [41] [40] [BlackGlasses] [42] [Black Belt] [40] [ ] [41] [40] My Updating Rules: No asking for updates in my topic. Only PM me for an update if you really need one (haven't been updated in 48 hours). You may ask me for an update on MSN once every 24 hours, and only if my status is online. | |
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| Scizordoom | Nov 10 2008, 11:58 PM Post #17 |
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He watches, watches from the shadows...
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I think they'll get to him, the link will open and they will escape... Scary! I wouldn't want to meet one XD Anyway, i love it. Another great chapter. |
![]() ^Adventure^ vProfilev ![]() | Plattail Lv.34 | Talonite LV.32 @ Expert Belt | Thunderos Lv.33 @ || Shreek Lv.22 | Canarosa Lv.31 | Crimsant Lv.17 | Skylo: Now Hiring The Sun and Moon watch your steps carefully ~Coming early 2009 | |
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| Trainer X | Nov 11 2008, 01:06 AM Post #18 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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I'm working on making them longer. Its also a sign that I need to be more descriptive, as descriptions would make the chapter longer by themselves. Which is probably why this is the longest chapter yet, as far as I can tell. And yeah, you spelled it right. Only time will tell... EDIT: Actually, this might be the shortest chapter yet, which is understandable, considering it's not a big plot-progresser. Edited by Trainer X, Nov 11 2008, 01:09 AM.
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New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Scizordoom | Nov 11 2008, 01:11 AM Post #19 |
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He watches, watches from the shadows...
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Very interesting chapter... I like chapters that don't hold much to the plot, or so this one would seem to... I now think something is going to happen at the celebration! |
![]() ^Adventure^ vProfilev ![]() | Plattail Lv.34 | Talonite LV.32 @ Expert Belt | Thunderos Lv.33 @ || Shreek Lv.22 | Canarosa Lv.31 | Crimsant Lv.17 | Skylo: Now Hiring The Sun and Moon watch your steps carefully ~Coming early 2009 | |
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| Trainer X | Nov 11 2008, 10:07 PM Post #20 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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Sorry guys, no new chapter tonight. Way too tired to write coherently. |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Scizordoom | Nov 12 2008, 03:00 AM Post #21 |
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He watches, watches from the shadows...
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Haha, very well. I shall wait... with Gliscor... |
![]() ^Adventure^ vProfilev ![]() | Plattail Lv.34 | Talonite LV.32 @ Expert Belt | Thunderos Lv.33 @ || Shreek Lv.22 | Canarosa Lv.31 | Crimsant Lv.17 | Skylo: Now Hiring The Sun and Moon watch your steps carefully ~Coming early 2009 | |
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| TheMusicMan | Nov 13 2008, 10:58 AM Post #22 |
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Resident Old Fart... almost.
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Hmm... I'm beginning to think that the wisdom of the first Aiyumidajh gave him MUCH more than just that line about being a leader... |
I am part of the RPG staff, you may PM me for an update if you need one. Do not PM me more than once every 24 hours for an update. This may result in an infraction.![]() Team as of 1/3/09 at 5:42 PM EST: Spoiler: click to toggle
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| Scizordoom | Nov 13 2008, 03:49 PM Post #23 |
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I think it automatically allows them to revise entire thingomobob. This is geting interesting, BUT if the celebration is held without either of the Aiyumidajh, it wouldn't quite work. Would it? Well since they could be there for a year. EDIT: I actually didn't think of Vin and Yaui at all XD Very interesting about the physical ability and sight and hearing and and... other stuff
Edited by Scizordoom, Nov 13 2008, 10:53 PM.
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![]() ^Adventure^ vProfilev ![]() | Plattail Lv.34 | Talonite LV.32 @ Expert Belt | Thunderos Lv.33 @ || Shreek Lv.22 | Canarosa Lv.31 | Crimsant Lv.17 | Skylo: Now Hiring The Sun and Moon watch your steps carefully ~Coming early 2009 | |
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| Chronicler | Nov 15 2008, 10:14 PM Post #24 |
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I just finished reading the whole thing. Most of my comments were made at Turquoise so I'm just gonna say keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more. |
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Team: [18] [18] [19] ![]() [19] [28] [34] ![]() VV Profile VV ![]() Pokémon Turquoise Forums and TRPG RPG Adventure -- Mikan Island; Blackout | |
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| Trainer X | Nov 26 2008, 09:49 PM Post #25 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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The next chapter should be up at some point tomorrow. As foreshadowing, it's when the plot 'really begins'. |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Trainer X | Nov 28 2008, 05:15 PM Post #26 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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The next chapter is up. Read up guys! |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| Error | Nov 28 2008, 05:53 PM Post #27 |
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Well that is mighty interesting. I love super powers. They always interest me. Which makes me wonder. Does Vin control what his father hears? Does his father control what Vin hears? Could this mean that one can in some way over ride the others memories. Like mind control, I'm thinking like Matt Parkman from heroes. |
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| Trainer X | Dec 2 2008, 01:18 AM Post #28 |
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In the Key of Chanukah
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Really, only one comment? I'm probably going to type up the next chapter this weekend. And trust me, it's a big one. |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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| TheMusicMan | Dec 2 2008, 02:01 PM Post #29 |
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Resident Old Fart... almost.
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Good, the last one left me wanting more. |
I am part of the RPG staff, you may PM me for an update if you need one. Do not PM me more than once every 24 hours for an update. This may result in an infraction.![]() Team as of 1/3/09 at 5:42 PM EST: Spoiler: click to toggle
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| *Star* | Dec 6 2008, 05:52 AM Post #30 |
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Interesting chapter TX. I like this story so far, pretty well done. |
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.::Adventure::. .::Profile::. LV.7 LV.5 Lv.5 Lv.6
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| Neji | Dec 6 2008, 09:47 AM Post #31 |
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Hate is such a strong word!
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cough TX you should really consider what I've been telling you since I found out about your writing skills |
![]() Thanks Shawn http://orangeislands.net/topic/325857/1/?x=0#post44190 ![]() <a href="http://www.dragonflycave.com/newpay.aspx"><img src="http://www.dragonflycave.com/wpay/togetic.gif" alt="I am a Togetic!" title="Find out what Pokémon you are at The Cave of Dragonflies"></a> Current team 27 35 35 21 31 22
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| Phoenix | Dec 31 2008, 09:28 PM Post #32 |
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...
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New chapter coming anytime soon? |
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My Adventure My Profile My Team: [36] [26] [20] [28] [20] [22] | |
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| Trainer X | Jan 1 2009, 01:59 AM Post #33 |
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Sorry, as you can see with the stuff that went up tonight, I've been short on time lately. Hopefully, there'll be a new chapter up by the weekend. |
New Chapter! Chapter 7 - Bond | Discussion - Please comment! Thanks for the avatar Novoni! | |
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